Inappropriate Touching?!?

Are people even capable of understanding? Understanding why a touch is assault? Understanding why their words really do hurt?

I love my brother. No question.

I don’t love his politics.

He recently posted on Facebook a thinly veiled diatribe about transgender people. But that’s not what I’m writing about now.

One of my brother’s friends replied to his post with this:

Better have your wife [do it]. Inappropriate touching will get you in court.

And while I replied to my brother’s original post (because, come on, do you even know me?), it was the above reply that made me furious.

Better have your wife do it or else you’ll find yourself in court.

Are you fucking kidding me?!?

Here’s a novel fucking concept – keep your goddamned hands to yourself.

You know all these women coming forward with stories of abuse and harassment? They’re not alone. There are thousands and thousands and thousands of us. And yes, I include myself in their numbers.

We have lived in a society in which abuse was normalized for so long, that calling out that abuse is now strange.

Inappropriate touching will get you in court.

As it damned well should, for fucksake!

But I really shouldn’t be surprised. Because it was this same mentality that elected Trump as President. The overwhelmingly white, middle-class voter who felt that his or her world was being threatened.

Threatened by women, people of color, immigrants, Muslims, terrorists, Mexicans, aliens, or whoever the hell else they could think of to blame. Blame the immigrants for taking our jobs! Blame the terrorists for doing the terrorist things. Blame the people of color for daring to want their voices heard. And blame the women for everything else.

And now it’s our fault that men can’t be men. Because we have the audacity to stand up and say, “Hey. Wait a minute. I never said you could do that to me. That’s assault.”

So now men are feeling insecure. Because they’re terrified they’re going to say or do something that will get them accused of harassment, assault, rape, or something. Men feel like they’re being unfairly accused of crimes when they’re just doing the things they’ve always done.

I mean really, what’s the world coming to when a man can’t compliment a woman by smacking her on the ass?

Inappropriate touching SHOULD get you in trouble, SHOULD get you in court. Inappropriate touching should NO LONGER be considered the norm.

Let’s try this instead – stop believing that women want anything from you. And instead, try talking to us. And if we tell you, “No thank you, I’m not interested,” then just move along. Seriously. Walk away. Because when we say, “I’m not interested,” we mean it. It’s not code for, “Try harder,” despite what Hollywood has drilled into our heads for decades.

Want to know where the line is? That line that, once you cross it, will get you in all kinds of trouble?

When you keep persisting after someone has told you, “I’m not interested.” – that’s crossing the line.

When you put your arm around her and insist that she have a drink with you, even though she already has a drink and is out with her friends – that’s crossing the line.

When you pick up her hand and put it on your crotch – that’s crossing the line.

When you walk up behind a woman (at a bar, at a concert, on the dance floor, in an elevator) and press your crotch into her ass – that’s crossing the line.

When you push a women up against a wall and try to kiss her when she in no way indicated she wanted you to – that’s crossing the line.

So to the person who honestly (and angrily) believes that you should have your wife do it so that you can avoid a prison sentence for inappropriate touching, I say, “Go fuck yourself.”

Your inability to figure out the difference between inappropriate touching and consent is not my (or any other woman’s) problem. It’s not our job to educate you on what you can and can’t say or do to women. We’ve been telling you for years.

So put your dick away. Keep your hands to yourself. And, for crying out loud, stop calling us sluts, whores, bitches, or any other derogatory term when we tell you, “I’m not interested.”